This is Part II that talks about “Did divorce change the way I feel about marriage again????” 

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to read my story and I am humbled. Lots of people going through the same emotions got in touch with me and I feel glad that they were able to connect to my story and it was of help which is a great motivation for me to keep writing.

Why this topic?

I choose this topic for my second story as many of us who go through a divorce find it difficult to regain trust in themselves and others. The loss of trust is one of the dark wounds that tend to surface long after the marriage has come to an end and especially when you want to start a new chapter of your life.

How to trust again

Trust is something that can be learned and nurtured, it has two parts learning to trust yourself and then to trust others. If I was able to do it, I am sure each one of you going through the same emotions can do it. It is important to distinguish the things you can control and those you can’t, the past cannot be undone but you can control what you are doing right now. I want to share a few ways that helped me to overcome trust issues.

Retrospect: As you heal and start to wonder how everything happened, take responsibility for any of your mistakes, its ok to be wrong and have flaws as no one is perfect but don’t judge yourself or beat yourself up as how could our lives be as clean and white as a blank sheet of paper? Don’t play a blame game, make peace with your partner’s mistakes as well. There will be never ending what if question, “what if I would have done this”, “what if my partner would have done that”. Don’t think too much about those because if there would have been something that could have been possibly done we wouldn’t be sitting and analyzing these things. Pat yourself on the back…you’ve got this!

Give time to yourself: Give yourself some time, it’s ok to be in your own cocoon for some time as a person is vulnerable after divorce. Don’t rush into another relationship just because you feel lonely and you want someone to be physically close to you. Trust me its ok to be lonely, it teaches you a lot about yourself, your strengths, your weakness, your passion, your creative side as we get so much used to doing things that our partner likes that we forget about ourselves.Rather than choosing a life where do nothing for fear of making a mistake, choose a life that gets better through failure and pain. And give a shout out to your struggling self, “I love myself”!

Self-love: Find things that you love, that you enjoy doing like traveling, cooking, riding a bike, painting, photography, reading, exercise, and so many things. Spend your efforts and time on just yourself to make yourself self-sufficient. I personally found so many things that I had completely ignored when being in a relationship. Travelling and nature is something that I cherish, I traveled to many places in just one year after I got divorced and it helped me to cope up with the emotional feelings that I was going through. Try spending time on yourself – you deserve your care and attention!

Talk to someone and to yourself: Don’t spend too much time alone. Look around and talk to your family, friends who love you deeply, just bring it all out. Do yourself a favor and cry if you want to, its good to spit out your emotions so that it doesn’t remain confined to your heart. Don’t run away from your feeling about divorce, courageous thing you can do is to spend time with them and when you pay close attention they will either disappear, change shape or they might not look that terrifying. Look at those photos of your marriage, think about good and bad times spent with your spouse, dont just delete everything as it might not help. Just face the reality and with the time you might not feel that bad looking at those photos again and you will realize that you are able to overcome it with the time. Trust me it works, atleast it did work for me. And I want to thank my family and friends for always having an open ear to my feeling, could not have been possible without them. Learn to express what you are feeling without agonizing over it, it a skill as important as learning how to read!!

Don’t let your past define who you are today and If you do, you will live your whole life as a victim of past. There is a force within each one of us who wants to do be happier and shoot out of the past, please trust that force of renewal.

Now after almost two years of my divorce I can say, my answer to this story is “No, divorce did not change the way I feel about marriage again“. I believe that holding on and hanging in there is definitely a sign of strength but if things don’t work, knowing when to let go and move on with your life takes much more strength than holding on to it. Marriage is a beautiful feeling so trust yourself, breathe deeply and see what life has to offer!!!

This is the end of my story – Part II and I hope this was helpful in any way which is the motive behind this story because I have been there also. More to come.