Will you let your divorce be the end of your story? Or is it really just the beginning?
Poignant and heartbreaking is what most of us think about the failed relationship but with profound deliberation, we have the power to create our definition of ourselves and our life!
This story is about my divorce and it’s been more than a year now. With support from the family, a lot of great friends I have realized that total unraveling of life was a gift, it took several efforts, strength, patience, and energy that have molded me into the person I am today and could have not predicted when I was divorced. I plan to write about my story in multiple blog posts.
Now the question is what triggered me to write about it? Every now and then I hear stories about failed relationships, some of them are people who are close to me and beating yourself about being a “failure” doesn’t help. I want to share my story if it helps others who are at the stage where you are still depressed, sad, angry, upset or any of those ugly emotions associated with divorce.
Victimhood – is no way to live your life!
Let me start with what makes divorce precarious and so emotional? It’s not just the legal process but it affects different aspects of your life at the same time, from your family structure, your social status, financial situation, where you live, how you live and with whom you live. Even though we claim to be living in the modern world with modern thinking you still see the judgment in people’s eyes, you can hear the criticism in their voice when they come to know that you are divorced or getting divorced. It’s simply because of the fact that some people just don’t have the insight to be able to parse the situation effectively. So it’s important to understand
Getting a divorce does not mean you are a failure. It means your marriage is ending – That’s all it means!!
Reasons for divorce:
Doesn’t matter what the reason for divorce – you want it, your spouse wants it, be it mutual, whether you think its right, wrong, good or bad the truth is there is a traumatic effect when an intimate relationship is broken and the simple reality is divorce happens despite your multiple tries to sustain your relation. In the course of deciding, there will be times where you are so stressed and will not understand whether to try harder or just walk away and I was in the same situation for three years.
You will have many “What if” questions and it’s completely natural to have these thoughts. At every situation, you keep on asking yourself, “what if this, what if that….” but these are never-ending questions and there is no answer EVER. The best way to deal with these questions is to gather your inner strength and make a plan as you won’t know what will happen until it actually happens and as time goes by things will make sense and we think “why didn’t I see that when we were together”? Trust me I know its difficult but things start falling in place and for me, it was as if everything was planned well. It’s rightly said
Perhaps we can’t truly ever plan for destiny but maybe we can prepare ourselves by making room for unexpected.
This is the end of my story – Part I and I hope this was helpful in any way which is the motive behind this story because I have been there also. Please wait for Part II.
The Vale Of Stories 
Very encouraging to write and share about your personal matter. I think it is very helpful to share such experiences. I think we should get married for so many good reasons and the intention and energy should always be to make it a successful marriage. There will be ups and downs. There will be disagreements and clashes. These should be sporadic. However, if a marriage is a daily fight or there is physical or psychological abuse, the marriage should end, peroid. It is not important who is right or wrong because it will impossible to change at this stage of life.
What your talking about divorce will do is to help those men and women take that big step. We always think what will PEOPLE say!!! Here I would point out that a person should be financially and otherwise independent to live alone to take this step. This makes it more important to teach our children to get education and be able to sustain themselves. Again, stay married with good heart but it does not work, take the big decision.
Good luck.
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Thank you so much for your kind words and spending your time to read my story. I do completely agree to you and I still do believe in the school of marriage, if one did not work in spite of many tries does not mean one should not marry. Also, you rightly mentioned that one should be financially independent to take such big steps. There are many things that need to be changed how people perceive divorce, just doing my bit and hope its helpful for someone who is going through a tough time that comes along.
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Great effort darling.. it really really needs lotsa courage to bring sucha topic n tht too whn it is self sustained.. I hope n pray ur honest efforts will help others who are still in a dilemma n wanting for a help for a big step.. it’s tru tht whn u r divorced it’s not d end of the person but of d relation like in case of any other relation.. hop people will b abl to decide tht this isn’t the end but jus a beginning of a new chapter.. waiting fr the part 2
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Thank you so much, Shama for your words and spending the time to read my story. I am really glad that you feel that this can help someone who is going through tough situations. Yes, I will write part II soon 🙂
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I agree with the words of Mr. Javaid wani that we should give education to our children so that they become financially independent to face such challenges in life. I wish success to my daughter who has really faced such a challenge which I had not expected to happen. May Allah bestow us his great blessings.
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